This is going to sound crazy.
Sometimes I’m scared to lose weight.
Not scared because I don’t think I need to lose. More like scared of how my body will react losing weight again. Pre-baby, a lot bounced back when I lost weight. But, as everyone told me, post baby bodies are different.
I feel like I will always have the “mom pooch”. My views on plastic surgery have changed pretty drastically since having Quinn. I was the first person to say that I would have anything nipped, tucked, and sucked. Now I feel that going under anesthesia for any reason unless it’s absolutely necessary isn’t really a risk I want to take.
As I lose weight, things are looking a little “loose”. I have high hopes to fit into some old clothes soon, but until then I’m picking up a few cheap things here and there to make me feel good. This dress (tunic on me because I’m so tall) is one of those things.
Matt’s parents are coming over from England to visit at the end of March and I would love it if my nicer clothes fit by then and look decent, but the unknown of what my body will look like as the pounds drop is scary.
The fear of the unknown of loose skin, lumps, and bumps will not deter me from keeping on going. I think it’s important to talk about the fears associated with losing weight because they are real and a part of the journey. I think my success this time around will depend on working through the issues as I go and really staying focused on why I’m doing this. I have a very good reason.
My great friend Lindsay said something to me that stuck, and I repeat it every day to myself because it makes perfect sense. She said that it’s important for Quinn to see me taking care of myself.
That’s so true.
She also needs to see me love and accept my body as it changes, no matter what sags and droops. I’m working on that part.