Quinn is the light of my life. She amazes me every day with how smart and funny she is. She’s almost 18 months old.
She drives me crazy sometimes.
I don’t want to be all sunshiny and fake and ridiculous and make other moms think that life over here is rainbows 24/7. It’s wonderful, but sometimes- when I’ve heard “Mama” 103735282636 times in one day I need a break. Being a railroad wife is a lot like being a single mom 1/2 the time and sometimes I have to put Quinn to bed, sit outside on the deck and just breathe. And sometimes when Matt is home I forget I can go places alone. It sounds so silly, but he actually has to tell me sometimes to go wherever I need to and he’ll watch Quinn. The other night I was feeling particularly overwhelmed and I mentioned ice cream. He shuffled me out the door and I found myself in the parking lot of the local Dairy Queen staring at a familiar sight
Back when I drove a truck cross country (which seems like a whole other lifetime away from where I am right now) I would see signs all over Texas advertising Dairy Queen as the Texas stop sign. As I sat there knocking back my ice cream, I thought about those days. I used to watch life go by in the passing cars around me. I’d drive that big truck and peek down into the windows of the cars that sped around me. I’d watch babies screaming in their car seats. I’d see kids fighting. Stressed out moms. People laughing. People crying. Families going on vacation. Older couples traveling in their motor homes. I had a front row seat the the lives of other people. I watched cars full of life go by. I wanted to be in those cars, living that life.
That seems so long ago. Sitting in the parking lot staring at the sign, I thought about how easy it is to get overwhelmed over the trivial. I get stressed out when I can’t keep up with laundry or when everything is messy. It’s stupid, really. Matt doesn’t care. As long as we have clean clothes eventually he’s ok with it.
I put too much pressure on myself.
The fact is, I have a healthy family. I have a baby. A baby! A toddler, even!
I’m living a life I never thought I deserved.
It’s time for me to give myself a break.
I’m vowing to myself to take time for me. I’m also vowing to lean on my husband (my rock. My HEART.) a little bit more because he’s more than willing to help and he’s a wonderful, capable dad.
Grateful today for little reminders of where I’ve been and forever thankful for the people riding along in my car.