Breathe

Waking up after a couple of hours of sleep to be told your 20 year old step son is in jail for driving with a suspended liscense and no insurance is not the way to start a Friday. Being faced with having to drive 8 hours, 16 roundtrip on your day off isn’t either, especially when you drive all week long for work. $125 towing bill and $20 a day doesn’t help when you consider just leaving it there til next week just to get some rest is no fun at all. This is how my Friday has gone so far.
But, in true fat girl in recovery fashion, I’m trying to take this impossibly crappy situation and learn something about myself from it. I awknowledge that I put the needs of others consistantly before my own. I know that I allow people to walk all over me when I shouldn’t, and I give everyone second (and third, and forth..) chances when I should just hold them accountable. I need to toughen up.
I also noticed today that I reached for the carbs when stressed out (grits, grapes, wheat thin sticks..). Even though I am not counting carbs I do need to focus on hitting my healthy checks every day to ensure I continue to lose weight. Skipping my Chobani this morning may have been a mistake, the protein surely would’ve given me energy to fuel myself through this difficult day. I also found myself dropping everything I had planned for today- my wogg, yoga, cooking a healthy meal- to run down to Georgia and sweep up someone elses problems. In just an instant, a non emergency situation became an emergency (if only in my mind) and I was willing to drop everything that I’ve focused on and worked for to participate in utter bullshit. Because, being a law abiding citizen who also holds a commercial liscense and is responsible for public safety on a day to day basis, driving at risk of other people with no ID and no insurance is stupid and careless. But so is walking away from a regimen that is so important to you to “fix” someone elses problems. I feel like my body called me up on the phone and said “what?? You’re going to ditch us for that?”.
No, chunky body of mine. I’m not ditching you today. I’m going to eventually get home from my job that has me working longer than normal today. I’m going to bathe you. I’m going to feed you. I may take you out for new shoes and we are sure to eat dinner somewhere delicious and healthy. Then I’m going to wogg like i never have before. I’m going to spread out in the living room and bust my best downward facing dog. I’m going to breathe in and breathe out, and let someone else fix everyones problems today. My body needs me. And today, I’m first.

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2 Responses to Breathe

  1. Michelle says:

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. YOU need to put yourself first!! While no one can withstand the amount of bullshit you do, it’s high time someone else clean up the crap. You can’t go through your life eating shit sandwiches because others are inconveniencing you and expecting you to pick up the pieces. That 20-year old is a freaking adult and his parents need to deal with it if they choose to. I hope you got some good retail therapy and a bath. You don’t deserve the crap you’re spoon-fed.

    • runrollrepeat says:

      🙂 I love you. I got lots of retail therapy and a nice long hot bath. I have removed myself from the situation and feel much better at this point. Thank you:)

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